Why I Feel Extra Murder-y Sometimes and How You Can Avoid Feeling the Same Way

me feeling murder-y

There was a day last week when I felt extra murder-y.

It started early on. Like, within the first few minutes of waking up. After that, I spent my entire day with a permanent scowl on my face, my head throbbing, my fingers clenching, my skin hot. I had zero patience for anything and felt that, at any moment, the smallest thing could set me off and I’d be all:


Sure, there was the usual juggling act of work and motherhood, with an extra dash of my-daughter-is-a-whiny-threenager-and-has-decided-potty-training-is-the-hill-she’s-going-to-die-on thrown in. But on top of that, there were the two industry events I’d attended the past two weekends in a row, which had left me exhausted because I am an introvert with moderate levels of social anxiety. I felt run down and stressed out, and that combination had me on edge.

In the distant past, at a time when I felt way more murder-y way more often, I leaned on Xanax and Lexapro and talk therapy to at least dull the more overwhelming emotions.

Then, about five years ago, I tried yoga and meditation instead. And that’s what I’ve been using ever since.

Except that, when I’d spent the past two weekends at those otherwise-awesome industry events, I’d missed my regular yoga classes.


At the end of the day during which I felt extra-murdery, my husband practically pushed me out the door on my way to yoga. When my teacher asked each of us how we were feeling and what we would like to work on, I reported my mental state and requested that we do something that would make me feel more grounded. As we closed our eyes and focused in on our inhales and exhales, all the bad shit fell away. I spent the next hour and 15 minutes thinking about nothing but breath and body and movement.

Of course, we all have the power to take our yoga practice home with us. Where we stumble is in giving ourselves the time and/or the permission to give all of our attention to ourselves. Here are some tricks I sometimes use, when I actually have the wherewithal to use them:

  • gently wake myself up first thing in the morning with a series of sun breaths
  • gently rock myself to sleep right before bed with relaxing stretches and movement
  • open up one of the five billion meditation apps I downloaded onto my phone and do a guided 2-, 5-, or 10+-minute meditation
  • take a few moments to focus on my breath, allowing myself to slowly lengthen out every inhale and exhale
  • lie down and do a full body scan, allowing each body part to soften as my mind’s eye rests upon it
  • place my hands on my belly, focusing on the physical manifestation of my breath as the belly rises and falls

If you’re not convinced, I invite you to attend my 1.5 Hours to Inner Peace workshop next Sunday (October 1, 4 – 5:30 p.m., YogaCentric). I’ll be filling the time with gentle movement, stretches, breathing exercises, and meditation, all tools you can take home with you afterward.

I’ll be donating 60 percent of the proceeds to the Southern Poverty Law Center because, while this workshop is about bringing you inner peace, I’d like to promote some outer peace as well.

Here’s to feeling less murder-y on a regular basis.

(image by Megan Tedrow Photography, via Flickr)